Here it is!
Thanks.
Did you guys sign it?
Did you sign the card?
And five and four and...
Hey, girls, sign!
All right! Here you go!
- Elle's gonna love it! - Thanks.
You go, girl!
Hi, girls! Here, sign!
Thanks!
There she is.
Thank you.
I love that restaurant!
I heard Madonna went into laborthere.
Oh, gosh! I have to go shopping!
I'll see you tonight. Bye.
Bruiser, what's this?
"Good luck tonight. Elle and Warnerforever."
Oh, that's so cute.
Oh, my gosh! You guys are so sweet!
But I'm not positive it'll happen tonight.
Hello! He just had lunch with his grandmother.
You know he got the rock.
Why else would she have flown in from Newport?
It's not like she'd Fed Ex a six-carat diamond.
Do you really think?
I can't believe you're getting engaged!
Oh, my gosh...
you guys have to help me pick out the perfect outfit.
Come on!
I think you should go with the red.
It's the color of confidence.
I don't understand why you're disregarding...
your signature color.
He's proposing. I can't look like I would on any other date.
This is the date... the night I'll always remember.
I want to look special.
Bridal.
But not like I expect anything.
There's nothing I love more...
than a dumb blonde with daddy's plastic.
Did you see this one? We just got it in yesterday.
Is this low-viscosity rayon?
Yes. Of course.
With a half-loop top-stitching on the hem?
Absolutely. It's one of a kind.
It's impossible to use a half-loop top-stitching...
on low-viscosity rayon. Itwould snag the fabric.
And you didn't just get it in.
I saw it in the June Vogue a year ago.
So if you're trying to sell it forfull price...
you picked the wrong girl.
Girls, this is it.
In afew hours...
I'll be the future Mrs. Warner Huntington III.
Wow. You look so beautiful.
So do you.
Let's get out of here.
Must be strange having such perfect eyes.
God, you're so wonderful. Elle, thank you.
Here's to us.
To us.
One of the reasons I wanted to come here tonight...
was to discuss ourfuture.
And I am fully amenable to that discussion.
Good. You know how we've been having...
all kinds of fun lately?
Well, Harvard is gonna be different.
Law school is a completely different world...
and I need to be serious.
Of course.
My family expects a lot from me.
- Right. - I expect a lot from me.
I plan on running for office someday.
I fully support that. You know that.
Absolutely. But the thing is...
if I'm going to be a senator by the time I'm thirty...
I need to stop dicking around.
Warner, I completely agree.
That's why I think it's time for us...
Elle, pooh bear...
- I do. - I think we should break up.
What?
I've been thinking, and it's the right thing to do.
You're breaking up with me?
I thought you were proposing.
Proposing?
Elle, if I'm going to be a senator...
I need to marry a Jackie, not a Marilyn.
You're breaking up with me because I'm too blonde?
No. That's not entirely true.
Then what? My boobs are too big?
Elle, your boobs are fine.
So when you said that you would always love me...
you were just dicking around?
Elle, I do love you.
I just can't marry you.
You have no idea of the pressure that I am under.
My family has five generations of senators.
My brother's in the top three at Yale Law.
He just got engaged to a Vanderbilt, for Christ's sake.
Bad salad.
Sweetie...
Pooh bear?
It's not like I have a choice here, sweetheart!
You get the car, I'll get the check.
I won't be having the salad.
Let me take you home.
Elle, believe me. I never expected to do this...
but I think it's the right thing.
How can it be the right thing when we're not together?
I have to think of my future...
and what my family expects of me.
So you're breaking up with me...
because you're afraid yourfamily won't like me?
Everybody likes me.
East Coast people are different.
Because I'm not a Vanderbilt, suddenly I'm white trash?
I grew up in Bel Air!
Across the street from Aaron Spelling!
Most people would agree that's a lot better...
than some stinky old Vanderbilt!
I told you. I need someone serious.
But I'm seriously in love with you.
Isn't that enough?
Pooh bear, just get in the car.
You'll ruin your shoes.
Morning, Amy.
Elle, it's Amy.
I'm having trouble with this whole lip-linerthing.
- Sweetie, didn't you hear? - Hearwhat?
It's terrible. He dumped her.
Why me?
Because you're not gonna remember anything aftertonight.
Oh, you're wrong.
I will remember, no matterwhat.
And I'm never gonna lose you again.
You couldn't.
You're a part of me.
I love you.
Liar!
Honey, you have to leave this room.
It's been, like, a week.
- So? - Drink this.
What always makes us feel better...
no matterwhat?
She had eight grilled cheese sandwiches.
She stuffed them in her mouth all at once.
Itwas so sad.
We thought she'd be the first to walk down the aisle...
and now she's totally adrift.
Totally.
She hasn't conditioned her hair in a week.
Maybe she's going forthe grunge look.
And her nails are full-on chipped.
So trailer park.
Oh, my God! Do you know who this is?
- That's Warner's older brother! - Who?
"Third year Yale Law student Putnam Bowes Huntington III...
"and his fiancee Layne Walker Vanderbilt...
"first year Yale Law."
This is the type of girl that Warnerwants to marry!
This is what I need to become to be serious!
What? Practically deformed?
No. A law student.
Law school?
It's a perfectly respectable place, daddy.
Honey, you were first runner up...
at the Miss Hawaiian Tropics contest.
Why are you gonna throw that all away?
Going to Harvard is the only way...
I'll get the love of my life back.
Sweetheart, you don't need law school.
Law school is for people...
who are boring and ugly and serious.
And you, Button, are none of those things.
Harvard Law School?
That's right.
But that's a top three school.
Oh, I have a 4.0.
Yes, but your major is fashion merchandising.
Harvard won't be impressed that you aced History of Polka Dots.
What are your back-ups?
I don't need back-ups. I'm going to Harvard.
Well, then, you'll need...
excellent recommendations from your professors.
And a heck of an admissions essay.
Right.
And at least a 175 on your LSATs.
I once had to judge a tighty-whitey contest...
for Lambda Kappa Pi.
Trust me, I can handle anything.
Thanks!
You're welcome.
Because I have a metrabolism...
- I have a really high metrab... - It's metabol...
Oh, my God.
What are you doing?
Reading about the LSATs.
My cousin had that.
Apparently, you get a really bad rash on your...
The LSATs are an exam.
Girls, I'm going to Harvard!
- You mean like on vay-kay? - Let's all go!
Road trip!
No. I'm going to Harvard Law School.
Why?
Elle, now, I know you're upset about all this...
but can't you just take a Percoset?
Once Warner sees me as a serious law student...
he'll totally want me back.
It's a completely brilliant plan!
But isn't it hard to get into law school?
I had the highest GPA in Delta Nu.
Oh, well. Here, you're gonna need this.
Your scrunchy?
My lucky scrunchy. It helped me pass Spanish.
You passed Spanish because you gave Professor Montoya...
a lap dance afterthe final.
Yeah... luckily.
My name is Elle Woods, andfor my admissions essay...
I'm gonna tell all of you at Harvard...
why I'm gonna make an amazing lawyer.
As president of my sorority...
I'm skilled at commanding the attention of a room...
and discussing very important issues.
It has come to my attention that the maintenance staff...
is switching ourtoilet paper from Charmin...
to generic.
All those opposed to chafing please say "aye."
A... neithertype of opera...
or neithertype of rap is on sale.
B... neithertype of jazz...
and neithertype of opera is on sale.
C... neithertype of opera and neithertype of soul...
Party! Delta Nu, we love you!
I'm able to recall hundreds of important details...
at the drop of a hat.
Hey, Elle, do you know what happened...
on Days of Our Lives yesterday?
Why, yes, Margot, I do.
Once again, we join Hope in the search for her identity.
As you know, she's been brainwashed by the evil Stefano.
Get set and go!
One forty-three.
Lfeel comfortable using legal jargon in everyday life.
I object!
It's here!
- What? - It's here!
The LSAT scores! It's here!
Open the scores!
What's the score?
- This is so exciting. - Tell us!
What is it?
One seventy-nine!
And that's why you should vote for me...
Elle Woods, future lawyer forthe class of 2004.
She does have a 4.0 from CULA...
and she got a 179 on her LSATs.
Afashion major?
Well, sir, we've never had one before...
and aren'twe always lookingfor diversity?
Her list of extracurricular activities is impressive.
She was in a Ricky Martin video.
Clearly, she's interested in music.
She also designed a line of faux fur panties...
for her sorority's charity project.
She's afriend to the animals as well as a philanthropist.
Elle Woods...
welcome to Harvard.
Bruiser, it's so exciting! Look! Harvard!
Are you excited?
This is our new house forthe next three years.
Are you thirsty?
Let's get you some water.
Sweetheart, you just look parched.
Hey, Brad, check out Malibu Barbie!
Where's the beach, honey?
Here you go.
Good boy. Warner's gonna be so excited to see you.
Guys, this way.
- This ain't L. A! - Come on, Bruiser.
Check her out. Look at the way she walks.
It's gonna be so exciting.
Now, don't be scared. Everyone will love you.
Hi. Woods, comma, Elle.
Class schedule, map, book list.
Wait a second. My social events calendar is missing.
Yourwhat?
Social events... you know, mixers, formals...
clambakes, trips to the Cape.
Has Warner Huntington III checked in yet?
Maybe you should check with the cruise director...
on the Lido deck.
Welcome to law school.
This is the partwhere we go around in a circle...
and everyone says a little bit about themselves.
Let's startwith you.
My name is David Kidney.
I have a masters in Russian literature...
a Ph. D in biochemistry...
andforthe last eighteen months...
I've been deworming orphans in Somalia.
Awesome. What about you?
Hey. How you doin'? I'm Enid Wexler.
I got a Ph.D. From Berkeley in women's studies...
emphasis in the history of combat...
and last year, I single-handedly organized...
the march for Lesbians Against Drunk Driving.
- Killer. - Thanks. Good times.
Aaron Mitchell.
I graduatedfirst in my class from Princeton.
I have an I.Q. Of 187...
and it's been suggested that Stephen Hawking...
stole his Brief History of Time...
from my fourth grade paper.
Cool.
- Me? - Yeah.
Hi. I'm Elle Woods and this is Bruiser Woods...
and we're both Gemini vegetarians.
I have a bachelor's degree in fashion merchandising...
from CULA, and I was a Zeta Lambda Nu sweetheart...
president of my sorority, Delta Nu...
and last year, I was homecoming queen.
Two weeks ago I saw Cameron Diaz at Fred Segal...
and I talked her out of buying...
this truly heinous angora sweater.
Whoever said orange was the new pink was seriously disturbed.
Wish me luck, Bruiser.
This is my first class as a serious law student.
I totally look the part.
There is no way she got in here on her own.
I totally forgot you go here.
What are you talking about?
I'm sorry. Are you here to see me?
No, silly. I go here.
You go where?
Harvard. Law school.
You got into Harvard Law?
What, like it's hard?
Oh, my gosh, Warner, it'll be so great.
I'm planning this great mixer. You have to help me.
I'm thinking like a luau or casino night.
It'll be just like senior year exceptfunner.
Time to go. I have to go to class...
but meet me after on the benches.
All right, bye!
A legal education means you will learn...
to speak in a new language.
You will be taught to achieve insight...
into the world around you...
and to sharply question what you know.
The seat you have picked will be yours...
forthe next nine months of your life.
And those of you in the front row...
beware.
"The law is reason free from passion."
Does anyone know who spoke those immortal words?
- Yes? - Aristotle.
Are you sure?
Would you be willing to stake your life on it?
I think so.
What about his life?
I don't know.
Well, I recommend knowing before speaking.
The law leaves much room for interpretation...
but very little for self-doubt.
And you were right.
Itwas Aristotle.
Good job.
Now, I assume all of you have read pages 1-48...
and are now well-versed in subject matter jurisdiction.
Who can tell us about Gordon vs. Steele?
Let's call on someone from the hot zone.
Elle Woods?
Actually, I wasn't aware thatwe had an assignment.
Vivian Kensington.
Do you think it's acceptable that Ms. Woods is not prepared?
I don't.
Would you support my decision to ask herto leave class...
and to return only when she is prepared?
Absolutely.
Now, Ms. Kensington...
did diversity jurisdiction exist in this case?
No, it did not.
Good. How about in the case of Owens vs. McCullogh?
I can't believe that girl.
So stupid!
Who does she think she is?
Excuse me. Are you OK?
Do they put you on the spot like that all the time?
The professors?
They tend to do that. Socratic method.
If you don't know the answers, they just kick you out?
You have Stromwell, huh?
Yes! Did she do that to you, too?
No. But she did make me cry once.
Not in class. I waited till I got back to my room...
but she'll kick you right in the ball...
Orwherever, you know.
She's really tough.
Great.
Don'tworry, it gets better. Who else do you have?
I have Callahan, Royalton, and Levinthal.
Let's see, speak up in Callahan's class.
He really likes people that are opinionated.
And in Royalton's class...
try to get a seat in the back.
He spits when he talks about products liability.
And for Levinthal, make sure you read the footnotes.
That's where he gets a lot of his exam questions.
Right.
Wow. I'm really glad I met you.
Are you a third year?
- Well... - Hey, Elle.
Hi! Thanks for all your help.
Good luck.
So...
how was your first class?
Ltwas good, exceptfor this horrible preppy girl...
who made me look bad in front of the professor.
But no biggie.
You're here now. So, how was your summer?
Good. It was good.
Did you do anything exciting?
Have you met Vivian?
Hi. Vivian Kensington.
Do you know her?
- She's... - I'm his fiancee.
I'm sorry. I just hallucinated. What?
She was my girlfriend in prep school.
And, well, we got back together this summer...
at my grandmother's birthday party.
Warnertold me all about you.
You're famous at our club.
But he didn't tell me you'd be here.
Pooh bear, I didn't know she would be here.
Excuse me.
Oh, thank God!
Are youfree? It's an emergency.
Bad day?
You can't even imagine.
Spill.
I worked so hard to get into law school.
I blew off Greek week to study forthe LSATs.
I even hired a Coppola to direct my admissions video.
All to get my boyfriend Warner back.
And now he's engaged to this awful girl Vivian...
so itwas allfor nothing, and I...
I justwish...
I justwish I had never gone to Harvard.
After you went to all that trouble.
He's engaged!
She's got the six-carat Harry Winston...
on her bony, unpolishedfinger.
What am I supposed to do?
You're asking the wrong girl.
I mean, I'm with my guy eight years...
and then one day, it's...
"I met someone else. Move out."
Oh, no. That's awful.
Dewey kept the trailer and my precious baby Rufus.
I didn't even get to throw him a birthday party.
What's a girl to do?
He's a guy who followed his pecker...
to greener pastures...
and I'm a middle-aged high-school dropout...
who's got stretch marks and afat ass.
That's terrible.
Yep. Happens every day.
So what's this Vivian got that you don't have?
Three tits?
She's from Connecticut.
She belongs to his stupid country club.
Is she as pretty as you?
She could use some mascara and some serious highlights...
but she's not completely unfortunate looking.
Hello, ladies.
- Hey, there. - How you doing? Sign here.
Oh, jeez.
Look what I did.
- See you later. - Bye-bye, sugar.
Aw, shit.
Could I have been any more goddamn spastic?
It's OK.
Are you sure this Warner guy is, like, the one?
Definitely. I love him.
Well, if a girl like you can't hold on to her man...
then there sure as hell isn't any hope forthe rest of us.
What are you waitingfor?
Steal the bastard back.
I should warn you...
that in addition to competing against each other...
forthe top grade in this class...
you will also be competing for one of my firm's...
highly covetedfour internship spots next year...
where you will get to assist on actual cases.
Let the bloodbath begin.
Now, let's commence with our usual torture.
Ms. Woods...
would you rather have a client who committed a crime...
malum in se or malum prohibitum?
Neither.
And why is that?
I would rather have a client who's innocent.
Dare to dream, Ms. Woods.
Ms. Kensington, which would you prefer?
Malum prohibitum.
Because then the client would have committed...
a regulatory infraction as opposed to a dangerous crime.
Well done, Ms. Kensington.
You've obviously done your homework.
Now let us look at malum prohibitum...
a little more closely.
It has been said... Yes, Ms. Woods?
I changed my mind. I'd pick the dangerous one...
'cause I'm not afraid of a challenge.
Who is that?
Wow.
Guys.
- Can she play? - Hi!
Get outta here.
- Hi, everybody. - Elle, what are you doing here?
I've come to join your study group.
Look, I brought sustenance. Who's first?
Our group is full.
Is this like an RSVPthing?
No. It's like a smart people thing.
And as Viv said, we're full.
Come on, we can make room for one more.
We've already assigned the outlines.
The answer is no.
Oh, OK. I'll just leave, then.
Hey, maybe there's, like, a sorority...
you could, like, join instead, like?
If you had come to a rush party...
I would have at least been nice to you.
Is that before you voted against me...
and then called me a dyke behind my back?
I don't use thatword.
You must have heard it from Vivian.
- Hello? - Hey, it's me.
It's Elle! Guess what I'm doing right this second!
I don't know. What?
I'm picking out my wedding dress!
- What? - Josh proposed!
Did you get the rock yet?
Almost.
Well, hurry up, so you can come home!
We miss you!
I miss you guys, too. The people here are so vile.
Hardly anybody speaks to me...
Oh, my God! I almostforgot to tell you!
What?
I got bangs! My hair is so now.
Really?
OK, so just listen to me.
KeepJune 1st open, you're one of my bridesmaids...
and give Warner our love...
because I'm getting married!
So don'tforget. Eight o'clock at 45 Dunston Street.
- It'll be a really nice party. - We'll be there.
And don'tforget to bring your own merlot!
No way! Is somebody at this school actually having a party?
Yes...
But it's a costume party.
You probably wouldn'twant to come.
I love costume parties.
Well, then I guess we'll see you there.
Oh, at 45 Dunston Street.
Oh, my God!
Thanks for inviting me, girls. This party is superfun.
Nice outfit.
I like your outfit, too.
Exceptwhen I dress up as afrigid bitch...
I try not to look so constipated.
Oh, she's horrible.
You've got the ring, sweetie.
- Nice ears. - How you doin'?
Warner, the English language...
is all about subliminal domination.
Take the word semester.
A perfect example of this school's...
discriminatory preference of semen to ovaries.
That's why I'm petitioning to have next term...
be referred to as the winter ovester.
- Excuse me. Hey, Warner. - Wow!
Don't you look like a walkingfelony?
Thank you. You're so sweet.
Are you havingfun?
I am now. What's with the costume?
I just decided to dress up.
Really.
Lfeel like we barely get to see each other...
since we've been here.
I know. I'm so busy with these case studies and hypos.
I know what you mean. I can't imagine doing...
all this and Callahan's internship next year.
That's gonna be so much.
Elle, come on, you'll never get the grades...
to qualify for one of those spots.
You're not smart enough, sweetie.
Wait, am I on glue...
or did we not get into the same law school?
Yeah, but...
Butwhat? We took the same LSATs...
and we're taking the same classes.
I know, but come on, Elle, be serious.
You can do something more valuable with yourtime.
I'm never going to be good enough for you, am I?
- Oh, come on. - Justforget it!
I'll show you how valuable Elle Woods can be!
- Don't ask. - Wasn't gonna.
I love that sweater. It's Chanel.
Look.
Was she carrying books?
Thanks.
So, you've filed a claim.
What next?
Ms. Woods?
Don't you need to have evidence?
Meaning?
Meaning you need reasonable belief...
that your claim should have, like, evidenciary support?
And what kind of evidenciary support...
does this case require?
All sorts of things...
corrupt cops who are wheeling and dealing...
And the purpose of diminished capacity is?
To negate mens rea?
Are you ready?
Yes, you are!
Go. You can do this.
Listen to me, Dewey. You shut your mouth.
No, you shut your big mouth.
I'm doing all the talking.
What the hell do you want?
We're eating lunch.
I just thought that...
You just thought you could come here...
and show me what I'm definitely not missing?
That's notwhy I came by.
How many times you gonna come over here...
begging me to take you back, huh?
I was...
Dewey Newcombe?
Who's asking?
I'm Elle Woods. Miss Bonifante's attorney.
And I'm here to discuss the legal situation at hand.
Come again?
Do you understand what subject matter jurisdiction is?
- No. - I didn't think so.
Well, due to habeas corpus...
you and Miss Bonifante had a common law marriage...
which heretofore entitles her...